Laughter helps start any Monday morning

Good morning, everybody, and welcome back to another Cecil’s World in Print. It looks like it is going to be a beautiful day in South Carolina. I don’t know about you, but I love to laugh, and I love a good joke. With that in mind and this being Monday morning, I thought I would add a little laughter to your day. Yes, it’s joke day on Cecil’s World in Print, so sit back, have another cup of coffee, laugh and enjoy.
A woman went to a walk-in clinic, where she was seen by a young doctor. After about three minutes in the examination room, the doctor told her she was pregnant. She left, screaming as she ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him what happened. After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room. The doctor marched down the hallway to the back, where the first doctor was, and demanded, “What’s the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 59 years old, has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?” The young doctor continued to write on his clipboard, and, without looking up, asked, “Does she still have the hiccups?”
Here is a “Bubba knows how to git ’er dun” joke. Bubba went to a psychiatrist. “I’ve got problems. Every time I go to bed, I think there’s somebody under it. I’m scared. I think I’m going crazy,” Bubba said. “Just put yourself in my hands for one year,” the psychiatrist said. “Come talk to me three times a week, and we should be able to get rid of those fears.” “How much do you charge?” Bubba asked. “Eighty dollars per visit,” replied the doctor. “I’ll sleep on it,” Bubba said. Six months later, the doctor met Bubba on the street. “Why didn’t you ever come to see me about those fears you were having?” the psychiatrist asked. “Well, 80 bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup!”
Bubba said. “Is that so! And how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?” the psychiatrist asked. “He told me to cut the legs off the bed — ain’t nobody under there now!!!” Git ’er dun!
OK, men, this is something all of us need to know. These are words that women use, and we need to understand them.  The first word is “fine.” This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right, and you need to shut up. Here are two words we guys hear a lot: “Five minutes.” If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house. This is the word that gets me: “Nothing.” This is the calm before the storm. This means “something,” and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with “nothing” usually end in “fine.” When a woman says “go ahead,” this is a dare, not permission. Don’t do it.
These next two words really scare me when I hear a woman say them: “That’s OK.” This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. “That’s OK” means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake. “Thanks” when a woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say “you’re welcome.” And, finally, when you are having a conversation with your wife or girlfriend and she says “whatever,” it is time to leave. That is a really dangerous word coming from a woman.
This was just a little something I wanted to send to all the men to warn them about future arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology!
That’s it for another fun Cecil’s World in Print. I’ll see you next week, right here in the Morning News and on the tube.

— Cecil Chandler is a veteran reporter at WBTW News13. His column appears Mondays in the Morning News.