COLUMN: Blessed with another day

I was as weak as a nickel cup of coffee. It had been so long since I had eaten anything. Dr. Dorn Smith sent my teeth to Florence-Darlington Tech for a refresher course in Chewing 101.

Carolinas Hospital System is like a city within a city. I couldn’t walk without dodging wheelchairs. An ambulance siren opened my sinuses and caused the hairs in my nose to turn a lighter shade of gray. From the eighth floor, you can see almost as far away as forever. Maybe it was the antibiotic cocktail Dorn Smith prescribed. I was convinced I had seen LaVerne Ard baling hay in Pamplico.

Meanwhile, Carolinas Hospital System was under tight security. The caped crusaders had gathered to ask three questions and Dr. Dorn Smith said we know three things: The germs that invaded Charlie Walker’s body are retarded, from Greeleyville and Gamecocks. Dr. Troy Gamble spoke up and giggled that germs must be blind, too.

One of the caped crusaders, Dr. Michael Hodges, helped chase the germs and the snakes out of Olanta. But the Floyds were fruitful and multiplied. Dr. Hodges said this proves the germs in Olanta are not blind.

Dr. Dorn Smith is the leader of the caped germ crusaders. Women adore him, men respect him and germs fear him. Dorn contacted Sheriff Kenney Boone with the germs’ description. Kenney asked Dorn if germs could vote. Dorn told Kenney the germs in Greeleyville were not eligible. The next day, Kenney called Dorn back, telling him he had about 40 calls from people promising to vote for him if he apprehended the germs that attacked Charlie Walker.

I have not Clemson blood, but I haven’t given any away since the Neck Parade. They are pumping liquids in me with strange sounding names. Dorn called Kelton Floyd and Keels Brockington and told them he was going to keep me alive until he could build a radio station, post office and Starbucks at Barrineau. Peggy jumped on Dorn because he had not brought her any tomatoes. But Dorn is a smooth talking brown-eyed handsome man. Peggy melted like an icicle between two pieces of cornbread.

We live in a world where service has become a word often used but seldom enjoyed. But I discovered that it’s alive and well at Carolinas Hospital System. Peggy and I were surrounded by Dr. Dorn Smith, Dr. Troy Gamble and Dr. Michael Hodges. Only angels have wings, but the nurses at Carolinas Hospital System treat their patients like they didn’t want them to wait until they get to heaven to receive theirs.

It’s a long way from Hebron to chief officer of information at Carolinas Hospital System, but Marty Parker made it. Marty was picking tobacco worms off tips when I was playing the Chuckwagon game records on WDKD.

I told Marty I didn’t receive this much attention on my honeymoon, although Peggy did ask me my name twice as I recall.

So here in the gloom of my lonely room, I am surrounded by enough wires to light up downtown Lamar and the face of Allyson Floyd’s smiles at me from the television set. I have been blessed with another day.

A special thanks goes to Cathy and Lillie.

— Charlie Walker is a local newspaper columnist. He can be reached at P.O. Box 441, Kingstree, SC 29556.