What we learn as we grow older

Good morning, everybody, and welcome back to another Cecil’s World in Print. Let’s talk a little bit about growing up and what we learn as we get older. So go ahead and get another cup of coffee as we talk about things that change our lives.

The older we get, the more we learn about the way of life. When I was a baby, I learned you do not stick your finger in a fan or touch a hot stove. These are things we had to learn when growing up. We go through phases of learning different things. Some people say after you reach 50, you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. I do not believe that because I’m still learning. When we stop learning new stuff, that’s when I am sure someone will address us as a know-it-all or we will be dead.

I know we learned a lot in our lifetime, but I am sure we have forgotten some of those things we’ve learned. So, I have compiled a few things that will help you remember. First, we will start with the truths about life and what little children have learned.

1. No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats.

2. When Mom is mad at Dad, don’t let her brush your hair.

3. If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the second person.

4. Never ask your 3-year-old brother to hold a tomato.

5. You can’t trust dogs to watch your food.

6. Don’t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair. (Oops.)

7. Never hold a DustBuster and a cat at the same time.

8. You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.

9. Don’t wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.

10. The best place to be when you’re sad is Grandpa’s lap.

I am sure a lot of you remember doing some of those things. I never wore polka dot underwear, but some of my friends did. OK, here we go: great truths about life that adults have learned.

1. Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree. (Can that be done? I didn’t think so.)

2. Wrinkles don’t hurt. (Tell a woman that.)

3. Families are like fudge: mostly sweet, with a few nuts. (You can say that again!)

4. Today’s mighty oak is just yesterday’s nut that held its ground.

5. Laughing is good exercise. It’s like jogging on the inside.

6. Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy. (Wait a minute, I still like the toys!)

We are not through yet. Now we have the truths about growing old:

1. Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. (You can say that again!)

2. Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.

3. When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you’re down there.

4. You’re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair than you once got from a roller coaster.

5. It’s frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

6. Time may be a great healer, but it’s lousy beautician.

7. Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

Well, I only have one more area to cover this morning and that is the four stages of life. Do you know what they are? You will remember them after I tell you:

1. You believe in Santa Claus.

2. You don’t believe in Santa Claus.

3. You are Santa Claus.

4. And finally, you look like Santa Claus.

Speaking of Santa Claus, remember, as long as you believe, you will receive. My son turned 29 last week and he still believes.

Have a great week and I’ll see you next week, right here in the Morning News and on the tube.

— Cecil Chandler is a veteran reporter at WBTW News13. His column appears Mondays in the Morning News.