Take the bully by the horns

Bullying is a BIG problem. Paula Grant (Safe Schools/Healthy Students Director) and I (Prevention Specialist for Trinity Behavioral Care) have been “Taking the Bully by the Horns,” so to speak, for the past three years.

Marion School Districts 1 and 2 have been using three different anti-bullying curricula in grades three through 12. As a facilitator for the anti-bullying program, I have been working with seven different schools between both districts for two of those years. I know bullying is out there. It always has been. People just need to be aware of the difference between aggression and bullying, plus arm themselves with some strategies for handling bullies.

I want people to understand that in addition to the obvious emotional and physical abuse caused by bullying, sometimes, victims will do extreme things in order to make the bullying go away. Suicide can be seen as one option. Bullying is when a person is picked on over and over again by an individual or group with more power, either in terms of physical strength or social standing. Two of the main reasons people are bullied are because of appearance and social status.

Bullies pick on the people they think don’t fit in, maybe because of how they look, how they act. For example, kids who are shy and withdrawn … or kids who talk strangely, or too much. Kids might get picked on because of their race or religion, or because the bullies think their target may be gay or lesbian. Bullies may attack physically, verbally or emotionally. Verbal bullying can also involve sending cruel instant or email messages or even posting insults about a person on a website – practices that are known as cyber bullying.

At any rate, bullying can be relentless with no relief in sight for the victim. Studies show that people who are abused by their peers are at risk for mental health problems, such as low self-esteem, stress, depression, or anxiety. They may also think about suicide more.

So, what can you do? Here are some tips:

Ignore the bully and walk away.

It’s definitely not a coward’s response – sometimes it can be harder than losing your temper. Bullies thrive on the reaction they get, and if you walk away, or ignore hurtful emails or instants messages, you’re telling the bully that you just don’t care. Sooner or later the bully will probably get bored with trying to bother you. Walk tall and hold your head high. Using this type of body language sends a message that you’re not vulnerable.

Hold the anger.

Who doesn’t want to get really upset with a bully? But that’s exactly the response he or she is trying to get.

Bullies want to know they have control over your emotions. If you’re in a situation where you have to deal with a bully and you can’t walk away with poise, use humor – it can throw the bully off guard. (For example, say something like, “Gosh, I just don’t have time for this right now. Can we do this later? Then, smile.)

Work out your anger in another way, such as through exercise or writing it down. Make sure you tear up any letters or notes you write in anger.

Don’t get physical.

However you choose to deal with a bully; don’t use physical force (like kicking, hitting, or pushing). Not only are you showing your anger, but also, you can never be sure what the bully will do in response.

You are more likely to be hurt and get into trouble if you use violence against a bully. You can stand up for yourself in other ways, such as gaining control of the situation by walking away or by being assertive in your actions.

Some adults believe that bullying is a part of growing up (even that it is character building) and that hitting back is the only way to tackle the problem. But, that’s not the case. Aggressive responses tend to lead to more violence and more bullying for the victims.

For more information, you contact me, Deborah Rogers, at 431-9225 Ext. 30.