Remember: Mamma always knows best

I thought I would share a story about a statement many young people confess to after the fact. As Superintendent of schools, I have had many occasions to talk to young people, usually after some tragic decision has been made and the consequences, although real, are heart wrenching.

All too often we share in the celebration of the many wonderful and outstanding students who advance through the educational system and then on to some post-secondary training, such as college, tech school or advanced training. We celebrate these students because they are what we label as “successful.” They are the ones who contribute to our society by restoring and creating resources that benefit society. Every teacher, principal and superintendent works diligently, hoping to provide an educational environment where students can succeed. More often than not, they are very successful in providing this learning arena.

When students are questioned about their success, they often applaud a teacher, a counselor and their parents for their guidance. I hear statements like, “I had wonderful teachers, counselors and mentors.” Others would say “I did what my mother or father told me to do.”

When I further questioned them as to what did your mother tell you to do, the responses are always the same, such as: Obey the teacher; Respect yourself and others; Study hard; Watch who you hangout with; Don’t follow the crowd; Stay out of trouble; Be a leader and not a follower; Get a job; and Contribute to society.

These are the standard required instructions that parents usually share with their children. As Superintendent, we often see the other side of the successful student. Many times we are called to console families and students when the consequences of not listening to the “mother talk or father talk” go awry.

We find ourselves involved in the lives of students who are sick, impaired, deceased or imprisoned due to choices they made. Recently, I visited one of my former students in a state prison. As I approached the prison, the previous conversation with his mother rang in my ears. She said he was a good kid when he was younger. She shared her dreams of him becoming a professional individual, perhaps a lawyer or an engineer. She also shared that as a single parent, things began to change when he was in the eighth grade.

He started to associate with the wrong crowd and then throughout high school he continued his negative attitudes, friends and activities. It was not long after he entered the 12th grade that he and his friends were involved in selling drugs and assaulting students at school and in the community.

He later was involved in a crime so heinous that the mother was embarrassed to share it with me. He is now facing life in prison for assault, forcible rape and drug possession with a weapon. He and his friends are now all serving sentences of life in prison without parole. At 18, he is in a state prison.

As I neared the prison and cleared the inspection desk, a guard asked me why I wanted to see him. I said that his mother and he requested that I visit him. I told the guard I needed to know what went wrong. What could I take away from this conversation that would help other students? As I sat in the waiting room, I reflected on this student and when he began heading down the wrong path. I thought of all the consequences, the mentors, suspensions and court appearances for poor attendance and petty crimes. Suddenly he appears, dressed in an orange jumpsuit, the weight of two years in prison sketched in his face with display of hopelessness in his demeanor and with remorse that I had to see him in this situation.

He greeted me with, “Hi Dr. Miller, I guess you knew I would end up here.” I sat, greeted him and then shared with him that I followed his case with shameful wonderment. I told him that his mother shared with me the steady decline in his character. He put his head in his hands and began to weep.

After sharing for a while, I told him that I would write, stay in touch. He now wants to finish high school and go to college while in prison, with the hope that one day he would be granted some type of release and would do better.

I had to ask him a departing question: What went wrong in your short life? He simply said, “I would not listen to the things my mama told me.” I asked him, “What were the things she told you?” He was able to recite them from memory: Obey the teacher; Respect yourself and others; Study hard, stay in school; Watch who you run with; Stay out of trouble; and Be a positive leader and not a follower.

The words “I should have listened to “what my mama told me’” rings loudly as I share these thoughts with other students who are tempted not to listen.