Tips on dealing with stress

For some people, the holidays bring unwelcome guests — stress and depression... In an effort to pull off a perfect holiday, some might find themselves facing an array of demands, from work, parties, shopping, baking, cleaning, and caring for elderly parents or kids on school break to accomplishing many other chores.

First, take a deep breath. Remember, the holidays are for families and sharing. Unfortunately, if you allow stress and frustration to build up, you may lose your temper with your children. There are increased incidents of child abuse during the holidays, a time when most people would not think there would be no abuse.

When stress is at its peak, it’s hard to stop and regroup. Take steps to help prevent normal holiday depression from progressing into depression and frustration. Try these tips:

* Acknowledge your feelings. If a loved one has recently died or you aren’t near your loved ones, realize that it’s normal to feel sadness or grief. It’s okto take time to cry or express your feelings. You can’t force yourself or others to be happy just because it’s the holiday season. Reach out for support from other family and friends.

* Seek support. If you feel isolated or down, seek family members and friends or community, religious or social services. They can offer support and companionship.

* Consider volunteering at a community or religious function. Getting involved and helping others can lift your spirits and broaden your social circle.

* Ask for help organizing holiday gatherings, as well as getting meals done and cleaning up. You don’t have to go it alone. Don’t be a martyr!

* Be realistic. As families change and grow, traditions often change as well. Hold on to those you can and want to. But understand in some cases that may no longer be possible. Perhaps your entire extended family can’t gather together at your house. Instead, find new ways to celebrate together from afar, such as sharing pictures, e-mails or videotapes.

* Set differences aside. Try to accept family members and friends as they are, even if they don’t live up to all your expectations. Set aside grievances until a more appropriate time for discussion. With stress and activity levels high, the holidays might not be conducive to making quality time for relationships.

* Be understanding if others get upset or distressed when something goes awry. Chances are they are feeling the effects of holiday stress, too.

* Stick to a budget. Before you go shopping, decide how much money you can afford to spend on gifts and other items. Then be sure to stick to your budget. If you don’t, you could feel anxious and tense for months afterward as you struggle in January to pay the bills. Think creatively for gifts and give them a personal touch, such as like a framed family photo.

* Plan ahead. Set aside specific days for shopping, baking, visiting friends and other activities. Plan your menus and then make one big food-shopping trip. That’ll help prevent a last-minute scramble to buy forgotten ingredients. Get a good calendar or organizer to keep track of activities you have committed to.

* Learn to say no. Believe it or not, people will understand if you can't do certain projects or activities. If you say yes only to what you really want to do, you’ll avoid feeling resentful and overwhelmed.

* Don’t abandon healthy habits. Don’t let the holidays become a dietary free-for-all. Some indulgence is OK, but overindulgence only adds to your stress and guilt. Have a healthy snack before holiday parties so that you don’t go overboard on sweets, cheese or drinks.

* Get plenty of sleep and schedule time for exercise. Exercise can relieve stress and help with depression.

* Take care of yourself. Make some time for yourself. Spending just 15 minutes alone, without distractions, may refresh you enough to handle everything you need to do. Steal away to a quiet place, even if it’s the bathroom, for a few moments of solitude. Take a walk at night and stargaze. Listen to soothing music. Make sure you get enough sleep during the holidays.

* Rethink resolutions. Resolutions can set you up for failure if they’re unrealistic. Don’t resolve to change your whole life to make up for past excess. Instead, try to return to basic, healthy lifestyle routines. Set small, more specific goals with a reasonable time frame.

* Forget about perfection. Holiday TV specials are filled with happy endings. But in real life, people don’t usually resolve problems within an hour or two. Something always comes up. Children will spill things, the food may not be “like mom’s,” and adults will argue. This is all normal. All in the same day. Expect and accept imperfections. Forgiveness and being realistic can help make the holidays less stressful for everyone.

* Laugh. Laughter and humor are known stress relievers. There are numerous web sites, joke books and humorous movies that you can access.  Sharing these with your family can help reduce their stress also.

* Toxic relatives. Holidays are times you are together with people in your family you may not like or want to be around. Realize you cannot heal differences with others in one day of enforced proximity. It is important however to be polite to that person or persons. Remember, it is only once a year and that its part of showing support for your family. 

The following are some tips for parents to help children cope with holiday stress.

1. Discuss holiday plans well in advance, and let kids participate, as much as possible, in decisions. Kids need to know what is going to happen. Take time to explain to them the day’s activities- even if you have an older child. 

2. If you’re traveling, leave plenty of extra time and bring snacks, books, games and/or music. Make sure if you are visiting at someone’s home that the children know any rules in that home that may be different from your home.

3. Don’t over schedule. You may not be able to do everything or see everyone. Kids can easily get “burned out”, overtired, and cranky during the holidays. Make sure you are a good example for your kids by not overextending yourself. 

4. Give kids some “downtime”. Leave room for some quiet activities, like listening to music, walking in the woods, playing or reading a book.

5. Make sure kids get plenty of sleep. While it may be exciting to stay up late, lack of sleep often leads to increased irritability.

6. Let kids be honest about their feelings. Don’t force them to act happy and excited if they’re feeling quiet or down.

7. Don’t try to compensate for an absent parent with extra gifts or toys. What most kids really want is your time, attention, and reassurance.

8. Take care of yourself. Try to avoid being overloaded with obligations. If you feel stressed, it increases the pressure and tension on your children.Your children will know you are stressed and you may end up taking your stress and frustrations out on the children.

9. Give your children positive appreciation when they are cooperative and well-behaved. Give lots and lots of hugs.

10. Remember, your own mood as an adult is often reflected in your child’s behavior. If you are tense and uptight and argumentative during this time of the year, you may see these behaviors in your own child.

These tips brought to you by the Durant Children’s Center, a child advocacy center in Florence. The Durant Children’s Center is a program of the Pee Dee Coalition against Domestic and Sexual Assault and is a United Way member.